Sunday, April 20, 2008

8yrs and counting…. My love story

People always asked us of how long have we been together? Then I’ll say with pride that it’s been 8 years and their liked really wow. But those 8 years weren’t bed of roses for the both us; some of it was hardest most grueling years of our lives. Yes 8 years is fulfilling but it’s not the years that really matters but the quality of years we’ve founded throughout those times.

2gether as a couple: we started as a couple April 6, 2000, we were still in high school and believe it or not we had the toughest start. I never intended to have a boyfriend in that time; still fresh from a broken family I find it hard to trust people. But hell yeah the timing was great a good diversionary tactic to somehow forget the things that hurts me the most. We’ve dated, find ourselves being really fond of each other, and had all the firsts in our lives. Hahahaha. Then from then on I knew I was in deep trouble. I found myself head over heels in love with the guy.

Please love me no more: I felt the most agonizing pain I could ever imagine. And it was when we always come to the edge of losing each other, we did fight a lot. I’m a type of person who’ll crush anyone with what I say and it’s the one that can make you strip naked with dignity, and I’m not proud of it. He on the other hand has the tendency to walk out on you without any explanation needed that is giving me a headache. Honestly, there were that we want to raise the white flag really badly. Breaking up was always an escape goat, funny thing is the longest break up we had was 2 days. But just currently we had a fight; it was tough on me and the one that really rocked my world. Had sleepless nights, sobbing and hurting and can’t stop thinking of it. I always believe in “forgive and forget” but now I can’t live it. Although forgiving was an easy task because I just can’t stay mad at him. Forgetting though is hard, maybe as time goes the pain might minimize and then subsequently I’ll forget.

Professing my love to him: isn’t this the best way to tell everyone of how much you love a person?

“To you (you who you are) hehehe, I know that ‘I love you’ are the most used words to us, but that’s how I feel and I will not stop saying it to you not now not ever. You’ve been a great friend, a shoulder to cry on, a companion, and a lover, I had nothing to doubt about you. My heart believes everything you say just don’t break it again. Sometimes I said things that hurt you, it’s just that I’m crazy in love with you and I just can’t take any risk that might eventually lead to losing you. You are my shield and my only sense of security; yes it has a little chink on it but not enough to lose trust on you. Hun you’re my only hope to true love and we are making trough it, I love you. I love you with every part of me. I love you more than I love you before. I love you with all your flaws. I love you that I can’t live not loving you. And I love you with every little things you do (that I really hate) because they make me fall in love with you again, over and over.”

Friday, March 7, 2008

best and worst of working...

Still get hang-ups with working and I'm in the verge of giving up, and the only thing that makes me catch my breath for sometime is again my hunny. It took awhile before this new post became feasible because I’m so busy with work. hahaha. it's been three weeks and there is no change with how I feel about being employed, I just miss chilling at home thinking of nothing at all except where to get some money to buy the things I like. Well that’s the best part of working the pay day. Anytime soon I’ll be having my first ever paycheck or cash don’t know.

I’m tired, burden, and physically incapable to go to work the next day. I’m not having the best time of working; maybe I’m too strained thinking of how other may prejudge me. Yeah, it’s true that we cannot please everybody and I’m not that kind of person kissing others a**es just for them to like me. And that’s a problem for my type of job because I need to learn to coordinate and communicate to all the people who are involve to the care plan of our patients. Anyways, I have no control of what my next step will be, or maybe not maybe Google ad sense can help me earn enough so that I can be my own boss.

Although exhausted with being employed, I just make myself touch the ground to humble myself with my new beginnings for the pay day. for me it’s the best part of having an occupation, receiving the salary I deserved. Ha…. I can’t even think of anything good about this…. It’s too strenuous… I should have embraced every moment of being in the comfort my home…

Life may seem to give us challenges for us to grow and be a better person. This may seem hard for me but I’m learning, I’m being pushed to the edge of my worst and still it gives me the sense of success. Later, with sufficient time by my side I will be able to defy all this things and be the person that I will be. And when that time comes, you (reading this) will be there to cheer with me. : )

Thursday, February 21, 2008

How do a self proclaimed obedient child rebels?

It’s not easy growing up having only one parent at your side, especially if they decided it to be that way. My mother was the only person who guided me and physically be there when I needed someone in this sad plight of mine. But my father is always available to be at hand anytime, I still be my mother’s child because I’m not close enough to my dad to start any real conversation with him. I’ll stop with this depressing mood and start a topic that still haunts and keep me thinking until now.

The later paragraph is the overview of my dilemma. After knowing that my parents will formally separate, I keep on thinking what will happen to me next? Who I am going to be with? Will anybody respect me after it? (In my country way back my childhood; separation of parents is a no-no!) And yes I got it all answered. Finished all my studies, stayed at my mom’s side, and everybody empathized with me instead of judging my family.

Now here is the thing, I never rebelled after learning the situation, never thought of it actually. Well honestly I tried a little just to please myself that I’m hurting and capable of doing things beyond my parents’ rules. But still I have no luck, I’m afraid to disappoint them both of them. I love them very much that I can’t even think of letting them down.

Now I’m a degree holder, a registered nurse in my country, a loving girlfriend, and in spite of everything a compliant daughter. But not until recently after graduation after landing with my first job, I realized that I lost my drive to work. At first I’m on doubt of it be I believe it was just the strenuous long hours of travel between my house and mmy work place. Nope, it was not. I quit my job, pacifying my self that it was just intangible to work with that kind of circumstance. then I recalled someone said before or maybe a read it, I just cannot remember it, but it said that “most people who undergone a traumatic event in their childhood and was able overcome it has the tendency that later in their life it will manifest in their performance at work like being unsatisfied and less enthusiast to go to work.” Maybe it was the way it should be I’ve been good all my life, I’ve never taken the my problem seriously maybe unconsciously I’m hurting. Up until now, this problem is with me. Currently I’m working and I’m striving to be compassionate with it and yet i still find flaws with it. Maybe later I will be able to surpass all this when I’m emotionally stable.

Life must go on and through all this all a person can do is pray. God will always find a way to help us lighten our burdens.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

my vacation last january 2008

It was a week before my future husband and his family departs to boracay, when I learned that I’ll be coming with them. Still in awe (honestly never been there ever), grab my things and started packing. I’m so excited because I really like to see this area in the Philippines where most popular people stay for relaxing. Another reason is that I’ll be staying in this spectacular place with the one person I dream of having beside me.

Living in an area surrounded by bodies of water, there will no better way to get to where we will be heading than through boats or ro-ro, as they had been tagged here in batangas. Although there are flights that can directly fetch us through there, we prefer to have the long route to be able to enjoy the places that we will be seeing along the way. We left at 4 in the morning and were able to step on the place at 5pm of that same day.

Is it a paradise for me? Yes! The soothing effects of the air that harmlessly brushing to our faces. Sunset that you think you’ve never seen and appreciated before. The sand is so white and so fine that you won’t get irritated by it clinging in to your body; you may think it also as very therapeutic, (a good scrub maybe). And the company of a very happy family completes the very peak of it. The long ride did not hinder us to take the plunge to the very calm beach of boracay. The water is so nice, so clean and so comforting. I can’t stop praising this place. I get out of words describing it. I just fell in love with it.

At night it was different scenery. You can pick any restaurant you want, of different specialties, and just pay enough to have a gratifying dinner of eat all you can. There are bars that you can hang out and mingle with
other people
aside from our own color.

After we have settled to heart warming abode, the next day was a busy day. We took a boat that shows us other amazing island aside around the vicinity, island hopping as locals refer it. And we challenge ourselves to ride the flyfish, this was thrilling for the reason that this big (able to carry 6 persons) raft like thing was being dragged by a speedboat and can throw you anytime you lose balance or grip to the handle. Anyway although it was exceptionally taxing still I enjoyed it.

My sojourn there cannot be compared to anything I have experienced as of now. It was a disconnection to reality, a partition between how miserable life is here in the Philippines and the fairytale life that I had experienced in my little amount time hanging out in that place.