How do a self proclaimed obedient child rebels?

It’s not easy growing up having only one parent at your side, especially if they decided it to be that way. My mother was the only person who guided me and physically be there when I needed someone in this sad plight of mine. But my father is always available to be at hand anytime, I still be my mother’s child because I’m not close enough to my dad to start any real conversation with him. I’ll stop with this depressing mood and start a topic that still haunts and keep me thinking until now.

The later paragraph is the overview of my dilemma. After knowing that my parents will formally separate, I keep on thinking what will happen to me next? Who I am going to be with? Will anybody respect me after it? (In my country way back my childhood; separation of parents is a no-no!) And yes I got it all answered. Finished all my studies, stayed at my mom’s side, and everybody empathized with me instead of judging my family.

Now here is the thing, I never rebelled after learning the situation, never thought of it actually. Well honestly I tried a little just to please myself that I’m hurting and capable of doing things beyond my parents’ rules. But still I have no luck, I’m afraid to disappoint them both of them. I love them very much that I can’t even think of letting them down.

Now I’m a degree holder, a registered nurse in my country, a loving girlfriend, and in spite of everything a compliant daughter. But not until recently after graduation after landing with my first job, I realized that I lost my drive to work. At first I’m on doubt of it be I believe it was just the strenuous long hours of travel between my house and mmy work place. Nope, it was not. I quit my job, pacifying my self that it was just intangible to work with that kind of circumstance. then I recalled someone said before or maybe a read it, I just cannot remember it, but it said that “most people who undergone a traumatic event in their childhood and was able overcome it has the tendency that later in their life it will manifest in their performance at work like being unsatisfied and less enthusiast to go to work.” Maybe it was the way it should be I’ve been good all my life, I’ve never taken the my problem seriously maybe unconsciously I’m hurting. Up until now, this problem is with me. Currently I’m working and I’m striving to be compassionate with it and yet i still find flaws with it. Maybe later I will be able to surpass all this when I’m emotionally stable.

Life must go on and through all this all a person can do is pray. God will always find a way to help us lighten our burdens.